Meet W.S. "Bill" Melton Jr. .... preacher, politician, policeman, author and

good ol' boy

BY FRAN FARLOW Gazette Staff Reporter 

     W.S. "Bill" Melton Jr. views the world the way we would all like to see it with humor, compassion and a wry touch of sympathy for what he calls "humanity trapped in a web of dumbness."

    He's been a preacher, a policeman, a politician and now an author. In his recently published book, "Living in a Bottled Water World: A Good Ol Boy Speaks His Mind," Melton writes that being a preacher was the toughest job he ever had, which includes 14 years spent as a policeman:

    "At least when I became a police officer, I expected it to be tough. I was even issued a gun, bullets and bulletproof vest because police work is tough. But when I became a preacher, I wasn't given a blessed thing. I had to buy my own Bible."

    So far, he says, he's had every occupation except fry cook and brain surgeon, but most of all he identifies himself as a good ol' boy, frank to speak for good ol' boys and happy to educate us in their ways.

    First, Melton says, if a good ol' boy has his pants on, he will have his pocketknife. Good ol' boys love trucks all makes and models, from pickups to eighteen wheelers. A good ol boy will not touch, much less eat, any food that is not fried or barbecued and he considers silverware to be optional.

    Good ol' boys love hats, especially Stetsons. (Melton's Web site pictures him in a white one.) A good ol' boy will have at least one Bass Pro Shop hat in his collection, which is reserved for formal occasions.

    In his stories about those without "the common sense God gave a turnip," Melton often includes himself, so those of us also in that category feel a close kinship.

    "Living in a Bottled Water World" is a collection of the columns Melton has written for The Gazette. It took a year, he says, before he had guts enough to publish his first story, "The Demanding (And Instructive) Art of Fatherhood." That ran in the Gaston Gazette in 2001.

    Since that time his columns have also appeared in the Hickory Daily Record, the Monroe Enquirer-Journal, the Bladen Journal and the Watauga Democrat.

    As a humorist, he speaks to groups all over creation, including festivals, trade associations and county fairs.

    As "the only writer I've ever known who started writing just to aggravate his Yankee schoolteacher wife," Melton's book is dedicated to Laurie, his wife and best friend.

    Melton leaves us with the instruction, "Y'all keep reading it, and Ill keep writing it."